Service Detail

Eileen’s story (Charlie’s mother)

“We didn’t see he had any particular problems.”

He was a good little boy and really popular with people and the other children at school. Though, I do remember him being sensitive if he hurt himself in some way.

He’s 16 years old now. His sister is five years younger than him and she had cancer at the age of two-and-a-half, which meant Charlie had to go and stay with his friends a lot. He coped though. When I asked him recently if he thought what happened had an effect on him, he said he didn’t think so.

In secondary school he had his first serious girlfriend and after six to nine months they both decided to end the relationship. I remember thinking they dealt with it really sensitively, but two months later he asked if he could talk to me about something.

 

“He told me he’d started getting bad feelings in his chest.”

He felt worthless, he felt that no one liked him, and he didn’t see any kind of future for himself. I was so sad about what he’d told me and couldn’t help but think that it was something I’d done. His dad had been working a lot and I wondered if I’d leant on him too much. It tore me apart that he felt like that.

 

“Charlie has always been very clever, but he was finding it difficult to concentrate at school.”

He had to drum his fingers on the desk or dig his pen into his hand to stay focused. He also had a new girlfriend who lived next door to us and that made him want to stay off school. He was quite obsessed really – he’d agree. When he heard her through the wall, he said it upset him because he wasn’t with her. He got quite unkempt in his appearance actually because he wanted to be around there all the time.

Then, that relationship also ended suddenly. From being with her all the time, one day he said ‘I just don’t love her anymore’ and cut his feelings off completely.

 

“He said he didn’t feel safe at school.”

His school attendance had dropped to around 50 per cent and he said he didn’t feel safe there. He’d started to hear a voice in his head that told him to hurt people, so he was really worried he might harm someone.

 

“It got to the stage where he used to come into my bedroom late at night when I was on my own to talk about his feelings.”

He self-harmed to distract himself from how bad he felt, and in the end I used to dread going to bed – though I felt bad about that. It made me so sad that I couldn’t make him better.

In theory, one night he also took an overdose, though luckily they weren’t really the kind of tablets that would have a fatal effect. I’ve asked him ‘did you really want to die?’ and he said that at that moment he did.

We’d already been referred to child and adolescent mental health services (CAMHS) and there was a psychologist at school and a school liaison officer, who were both very good. But the doctors felt the voice in his head should be investigated further so Charlie, his dad and I went to a psychiatry appointment, where he was referred onto the Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Service at the Maudsley.

DBT [dialectical behaviour therapy] works well because it’s about trying to deal with the emotions. So, rather than drowning in emotions or not feeling emotions at all, it’s about tolerating them.

 

“Charlie is now 10 weeks in on the programme and I think it’s already helped him hugely.”

He’s still not fully letting the emotions in, but I feel like I can talk to him more, and I’ve spoken to a lot of mums who have said the programme really works.

 

“He’s with people who understand.”

What’s really helped him is not being on his own with what he’s going through. He’s with people who understand much more than his dad and I can. He says it’s brilliant having others to talk to who have gone through the same things. He also gets on well with his DBT therapist.

I remember Charlie wanting to watch the film 'Shaun of the Dead' when he was a bit younger. He ended up hating the film because of all the gory parts and had to hide his eyes at certain bits. Since becoming ill, he is having those kinds of gory thoughts himself, about harming people. It’s horrible for him and he can’t just cover his eyes. But we can now talk about these kinds of things. We’ve spoken about the people who write these films – that it’s OK to have these thoughts, you just don’t put them into action.

 

“I can see the difference in me as well as him.”

We have a parents’ skills group, where we’re taught the same things as they are in their group. It’s been so useful because we’ve learnt about managing emotions, tolerating stress when you’re in situations in which you can’t walk away, and normal and exaggerated responses. It’s helped me to understand Charlie.

At first, I couldn’t think of anything worse than involving myself in things like role-plays. I also didn’t think my husband would want to take part in the activities, but he’s said it’s been really good.

At times it’s really destroyed me to see Charlie feeling so sad and hopeless. I wanted to go into things in detail to sort things out, but now I understand I don’t have to solve everything myself.

 

“I want him to be happy and not frightened about how he feels.”

He’s a lovely person and I hope that he’ll meet someone where he can manage the emotions well. I so want him to be happy and not be frightened about how he feels.

Charlie said he couldn’t see a future for himself before, but he’s trying now. His teachers at school have also been good. They were worried because they like him as a pupil, but in the past months they’ve said he’s really come a long way.

He really looks forward to his individual and group sessions. Even when it’s half-term he still wants to go.