ADHD Awareness Month: Understanding addiction through a neurodiverse lens
For ADHD awareness month, we spoke to Annabel Bouteloup, a previous service user from the National Adult ADHD Medication team and Community Liason for WRCDAS ( Wandsworth & Richmond Community Drug & Alcohol Service ) and Neurodiversity & Addiction specialist for CDARS (Community Drug and Alcohol Recovery Services).
During the discussion, Annabel shared some vulnerable details from her past, the difficulties she encountered due to her late diagnosis, and how she is now using her own experiences to support those struggling with the overlap between ADHD and addiction.
Unnoticed traits in childhood
As a child, Annabel was always in trouble in school and those around her called her “curious Alice” due to her inquisitive nature, but some of the more subtle traits of ADHD went unnoticed by those around her.
She said: “I couldn’t get my shoes on the right feet; I couldn’t tell my left from my right. It all felt like basic things that I just couldn’t grasp. I felt like everything I did was wrong and my self-esteem and self-worth were hugely affected. My coping mechanisms were questionable but, I was masking from a really young age without knowing it.”
Finding new ways to cope
Annabel left school and started to work in a recording studio in London. The late nights and chaotic schedules worked to in her favour but soon, she found new ways to cope. Through drinking and substance abuse, she found ease and comfort, but the behaviours didn’t feel out of place for the environment she was in. It was only after her daughter was born and she’d left the scene that she began to realise she wasn’t like the other people around her.
“I used to go to all the mum and baby clubs, and it became really apparent that I wasn’t like everybody else. All the mums had their buggies packed, nappies ready and healthy snacks for their babies but I felt like a hot mess in comparison. Then my son was born and there were a lot of complications. He recovered from the complications, but I didn’t.”
“I started to spiral, I couldn’t cope, and I felt alone. I was riddled with the thoughts that I wasn’t a good enough mum and everything felt so overwhelming. Then I started drinking and taking drugs, mostly cocaine. It was the only thing that could calm me down and stabilise me but eventually, I left my family because of the damage I was causing them with my addiction and was in and out of detox programmes, psychiatric wards and rehabs for a very long time. All I ever heard was that it’s the addiction and once I stop, I’ll be fine and everything else will go away.”
The turning point
Annabel continued to drink and was facing health difficulties because of her addiction. She lost 60% of her liver but she continued drinking causing further damage.
“I’d lost all my friends, my family and I was being fed through a tube. I couldn’t walk and I was bright yellow from the jaundice. My key worker came in and told me that we’ve exhausted all the options and asked me what I needed. I asked to go to a 12-step treatment centre I’d been to before and I told myself, if I make it through the first few days, I’ll do it this time.”
With support, she started to get her life back on track through volunteering, becoming a key worker and using her experience to help others.
Making sense of it all
One day, Annabel stumbled upon an article called “the lost women of ADHD” and suddenly, everything started to make sense.
“For the first time, my hair stood up on the back of my neck and the more I read, the more everything they said made sense to me. I related to everything they were saying, and I knew instantly I needed to start the process of diagnosis.”
Annabel waited for a while for her diagnosis but eventually saw Dr Galangapulos who managed her assessment and medication titration which was a fundamental part of her journey. While waiting for her treatment, she was researching, educating herself and seeing traits in the people around her. It started to become clear to Annabel that her difficulties in recovery mirrored her ADHD traits. She struggled to attend meetings, missed appointments and was written off as lazy and not trying hard enough.
“A lot of my peers got sober and I saw them become more manageable. But for me, the more sober I got, the more unmanageable I felt. I then realised I needed to look at recovery from a neurodiverse lens.”
Care, recovery and supporting others
Annabel used her experience to start a weekly group called “The Spectrum” and hosts three “12 Step Neurodiversity Groups” to holistically support people through their addiction and ADHD and are open for anyone to access (more details below).
“At first, we all walked in, and we didn’t know what to do but suddenly, it started to feel like recovery inside recovery. There was so much laughter and so much relief – it was really empowering to be a part of, watching people feel heard and understood for the first time across both their addiction and their ADHD.”
Now, Annabel is passionately working toward supporting the cross overs between addiction and ADHD in a wider way, but there is more to do.
“More than anything it’s about changing culture, language, breaking down barriers and realising that not one size fits all. We need to begin screening in hospitals, in alcohol care teams, with the revolving door clients we see because we now know the connection between ADHD and addiction.”
She concluded the conversation by saying: “I don’t think there is such a thing as peace of mind but for me, my diagnosis was the missing piece in the jigsaw puzzle. I’m one of the lucky ones who not only was supported enough through my addiction and my ADHD that I’m now where I am, in a position to help others and forgive myself. It was a hard journey, but I wouldn’t exchange it for the world.”
Find out more about the National ADHD and Autism Service: National ADHD and Autism Service - South London and Maudsley
Find out more about the 3 Borough team: Croydon, Lambeth and Lewisham Adult ADHD and Autism Service - South London and Maudsley
Find out more about the Community Drug and Alcohol Recovery Services: Substances & Alcohol Recovery Programmes | Mental Health Recovery Café | Suicide Prevention
You can join the 12 Step Neurodiversity Group in person or online. Please contact Annabel directly for more information: bellsy.b43@gmail.com
