Autism Acceptance Month: Remi's story
For Autism Acceptance Month, we asked staff - with support from the Lived Experience Network - to share their experiences of what being autistic meant to them. Today, we would like to introduce you to Remi Teal who has kindly offered to share their story.
Below is Remi's story, in their own words.
“In the past, when people told me I was overthinking, I silently allowed it to crush me. Nowadays, I've learned to say that this mindset helps me feel alive and joyful.”
"You may have heard that all autistic people are different and it's true. Someone can't be more or less autistic, and being 'a little' autistic isn't a thing.
The spectrum is like a rainbow - I may have more/less of some colours but the combination of all my traits means I'm autistic.
It's a weird accident of fate that my aptitudes are mostly compatible with workplace needs. I love the satisfaction of being able to do a great job. I excel at organising complex projects, creating and following systematic processes, data-based analysis, reporting and anything to do with written information.
I'm confident presenting and talking, I can structure thoughts and ideas in relatable ways and I'm happiest when I can concentrate on one big task. Measurable outcomes are always the easiest part of any job for me.
On the other hand, I have difficulty processing spoken audio. I have good hearing - I'm a musician and I can understand rhythm and melody no problem, but when I hear people speaking it takes all my energy to translate that into meaningful ideas. The things that take most of my energy at work are large group meetings, unspoken subtext, workplace politics and information conveyed by audio only.
Don't get me wrong, I've developed some great coping mechanisms and I consistently get great feedback on my work in meetings - most people would never know I'm struggling to understand them. To help me 'hear', I take notes for everything, which is often really helpful in a work context.
I have a remote role which really helps, because in person I struggle to understand group dynamics, body language and facial expressions. Teams is the ultimate accessibility tool for me - everyone is 2D and I can turn on transcription and CoPilot for automated notes, it's fantastic!
Also, fluorescent lighting and office background noise really bothers me, and in my home office I can make my space as comfy as possible. Learning and changing can take me longer than most people. I've recently been on the SLaM Partners' excellent Leading & Managing Well course which has been hugely helpful, but also the hardest thing I've ever done in a workplace in terms of large group dynamics and spoken audio presentation.
I got the feedback that I talk over others and could look for more opportunities to help others get heard. This was devastating to me, as I care deeply about social justice, I'm always excited to hear what others think and very much want to make sure everyone's contributions get heard. I recognise that this talking over others is partly about my difficulty in conversational turn-taking (a common autistic trait), as well as my learned coping mechanism for coming across as engaged in a group setting (otherwise my likelihood of missing key information comes across like I don't care).
I'm determined to change this in myself, however I know that I take a long time to make behavioural changes, and in the meantime I risk hurting others as I embed this change.
Overall I'm grateful to be able to do this personal work and I always want to know if there's something I can improve. If you find yourself wanting to change someone else's behaviour, please first ask yourself if it's hurting anybody.
Allistic (non-autistic) people can sometimes find autists socially clumsy, uncool, clueless, somehow 'wrong' and in need of guidance. I find that people who don't know I'm autistic will often tell me that I 'overthink' things or 'care too much', phrased as concern for me (google "concern troll").
Over the years I've learned that this is most likely to be subtle discrimination about how my autistic traits present. I love deeply structured thinking and I'm passionate about lots of things that other people might not be, like the texture of building materials or the best way to season cast iron pots. In the past, when people told me I was overthinking, I silently allowed it to crush me. Nowadays, I've learned to say that this mindset helps me feel alive and joyful."
