Autism Acceptance Month: Vanessa’s story
For Autism Acceptance Month, we asked staff - with support from the Lived Experience Network - to share their experiences of what being autistic meant to them. Today, we would like to introduce you to Vanessa who has kindly offered to share her story.
Below is Vanessa's story, in her own words.
“Since learning more about my neurodiversity, everything that once felt confusing or broken now has meaning, and I'm finally able to embrace who I am with clarity, understanding and compassion”.
"Being autistic in a world designed around neurotypical experiences is exhausting and masking is one of the most draining aspects.
In social settings, I have a constant internal monologue reminding me to “act natural,” make eye contact and follow social cues I’ve picked up from past interactions. Even though I focus so much on getting it right, I often feel like I’m doing it wrong. This hyperawareness of my own behaviour, along with trying to decode the words, actions, and body language of others, makes me feel disconnected from the interaction - like I’m performing rather than participating. Socialising for me as an autistic person can feel more like a task to complete rather than a natural flow to join. And it’s frustrating to struggle with something that seems to come effortlessly to others.
This constant need to monitor and adapt my behaviour stems from the fact we live in a society that’s designed around social norms and expectations that support neurotypicals. I don’t want to constantly adapt, but unfortunately, many autistic people feel that pressure - to conform, to mask and to navigate the world in a neurotypical way just to be accepted or succeed in different environments.
This also takes a toll on my sense of identity. After a day of work, socialising or even just running errands, I feel physically and mentally drained. It’s not just tiredness; it’s the weight of having to constantly filter and adjust myself. I leave those interactions feeling like I haven’t been my full, authentic self, and I feel as though I’m doing an injustice to myself.
I also struggle with processing my thoughts, emotions and information, especially when I’m given too many instructions at once. My memory and auditory processing issues make it difficult to keep up in conversations, meetings or with tasks. This can cause me to spiral into self-doubt - feeling as though there’s something wrong with me or like I’m just not smart enough. But I know these challenges are part of my neurodivergence - not a reflection of my intelligence. When I’m given time to think, process and prepare, I can be incredibly insightful, thoughtful and capable of making observations that others might miss, thanks to my strong skills in pattern recognition and attention to detail, strengths found in many autistic individuals.
Sensory overload is another major challenge. Crowds and noise can be overwhelming, leading to frustration - not because I’m "angry" but because I’m distressed.
Changes to plans or routines can also be incredibly disorientating. What might seem like a minor adjustment to someone else can throw me off completely, causing anxiety. I worry that this can make me seem inflexible or difficult - but my brain just needs more time to process and adapt to unexpected shifts.
There are also physical aspects of autism that people don’t often talk about. I have issues with motor skills and coordination.
But being autistic isn’t just about challenges - there are strengths too.
I’m highly observant and thoughtful, noticing details that others might miss both on a micro and macro level - about people, the world, situations. I also have a strong sense of justice. I can’t stand injustice in any form, whether big or small. This fuels my passion for advocating for equity and inclusion and ensuring people aren’t discriminated against or left behind. Another strength is my deep, analytical thinking. I consider multiple perspectives before forming an opinion which makes me fair and diplomatic. I don’t rush to conclusions, I take the time to weigh every angle.
There’s a misconception that autistic people lack empathy but for many of us, the opposite is true. Some autistic people are hyper-empathetic and I fall into that category. I care deeply for others which is why I’m passionate about working in the mental health sector. It also makes me a great friend and partner. Creativity is another gift. I’ve dabbled in various creative pursuits and I love exploring new ideas and ways of expressing myself, including painting, pottery and cooking.
I want to advocate for a society that not only understands the challenges autistic people face but also values and embraces our strengths. Inclusion isn’t just about making space, it’s about making meaningful reasonable adjustments so we can fully participate.
Some small but impactful changes that could support autistic and neurodivergent people include:
It took me a while to seek support, but when I went for an ADHD assessment, I also filled out a form for autism due to their high co-morbidity. After scoring highly, I realised I might be autistic. I've since researched autism and consulted healthcare professionals who have confirmed that I am autistic, though I'm still waiting for my official diagnosis to access more formal support.
Being late diagnosed has been both eye-opening and validating. For so long, I felt different, like something was wrong with me. I struggled to relate to people and even spoke about it in therapy, but the response was always that I wasn’t different - that I just needed to find the right coping strategies. But now I know the truth: I am different. I am a minority in terms of my neurotype, and that difference is real, not imagined. A major barrier I've encountered is that the frameworks used for understanding and diagnosing autism and neurodiversity have largely been shaped around a narrow, non-diverse perspective. As a result, people like me - particularly Black women - are frequently missed, misdiagnosed or excluded from the conversation altogether.
Now that I know I’m neurodivergent, I’m finally able to reframe my life through the lens of autism and ADHD. So many things that never made sense before now have context. I’ve found understanding in neurodivergent spaces, and even more importantly, in spaces specifically for Black neurodivergent women. I’m also starting neuro-affirmative coaching to unlearn harmful narratives and embrace who I truly am. Since learning more about my neurodiversity, everything that once felt confusing or broken now has meaning, and I’m finally able to embrace who I am with clarity, understanding and compassion.
Autistic people, and in particular autistic people of colour, deserve recognition, resources and support from early - not just when we piece it together ourselves."
