Mastering Constructive Conversations and Emotional Intelligence
Mary Asantewaah
I was offered an opportunity to attend a course on 'Developing Your Team’s Resilience' which is a five-session training programme where different topics were covered each month. And guess what? The topics that caught most of my attention were constructive conversation and emotional intelligence. The course has really made a difference in my work and personal relationships. So, what is constructive conversation and emotional intelligence?
Constructive conversations
Constructive conversations are a relaxed way of transferring ideas from one mind to another removing all obstacles from the way. (Kataria, 2018). The whole point of having a conversation is to talk and exchange ideas but sometimes we end our conversations asking why we even engaged in them. This happens when nothing productive comes out of it. My encounter with this course has made me aware of the things to consider in order to have a positive conversation. I came across Ted speaker Julia Dhar who explained how to have a constructive conversation. (Dhar, 2021). I have now become aware that we should always walk into a conversation with the idea that our conversation partner knows something that we don’t know. That way we can choose curiosity over clash, and this will allow the other person to tell us what they know so we can always learn something new from them and also get them to listen to us. So yeah, with this in mind, the purpose of talking and exchanging ideas will definitely be achieved.
The importance of listening
I have also become aware of how important listening is, during a conversation. I have clearly understood that the purpose of listening is to understand and not to respond, the only way we can spot unspoken emotions and have empathy towards the other person and build trust. We live in a world where everyone wants their voices to be heard but we turn to forget about the art of listening. It is therefore important to develop active listening skills to engage in conversations. Yes, speaking is important but the ability to truly hear and understand what others are saying is equally important. when we truly listen, we tend to empathise with the other person because we acknowledge their emotions, and this creates a sense of connection between us.
Emotional intelligence is how we perceive, evaluate, express and control our emotions. (Cherry, 2023). The ability to have self-awareness and think about how our actions affect others is another skill I learnt from this course, and I have realised that holding a conversation constructively requires the application of emotional intelligence because having the ability to manage our own emotions and understand the emotions of others helps us to have empathy and develop our social skills.
How constructive conversation and emotional intelligence have impacted my life.
I can boldly say that my exposure to this course has nurtured my professional growth. It has helped me develop active listening skills that encourages me to ask questions about things I don’t understand. It has also shaped the way I give feed back to my team members because I always think about the purpose of having a conversation, before I start it in the first place. I consider situation, people’s behaviour and how it has impacted my team and then provide feedback accordingly. In my approach, I also make sure that I regulate myself in a way that my actions will not impact negatively on others.
My home live has also improved since I completed this course. I was having difficulties understanding my partner any time we started a conversation. At some points of our conversations, this guy will be like, ‘’ you know what, lets pick this up some other time’’. This actually used to get me angry until I went through this course and learnt more about emotional intelligence. I didn’t have a clue at that time so I was like ‘’ you never complete a discussion’ ‘you always walk out on me’’. Lack of knowledge the bible says makes people perish. (Bible Gateway n.d.) Thank God, I have now become aware that, at the time of our discussions, my emotions were going high, and it was a way for my partner to avoid any outburst and therefore decided we should have the conversation at a different time when we are both cool.
So, hey! now I have some knowledge after completing this course and understand when my partner is applying some kind of emotional intelligence. I also have the understanding that no matter where I am, where I come from, my potion in life, there is always someone who knows something that I do not know. This allows me to actively listen to others and try to understand them even if I disagree with them. That way, I am able to turn a conflict into a connection and thereby establish healthy professional and personal relationships. Thanks to my boss for offering me this course and thanks to Mike Bloodworth (Senior Training Officer, Estia Centre) for the knowledge you have imparted to me. I am still practicing these useful skills.
About the author
Mary Asantewaah, is a Senior Mental Health Facilitator at Three Cs Support. Her role involves collaborating with her team to support people with mental health problems to have choice and control over their lives.
References
Kataria V, (2018) the 7 components of constructive conversation. Why conversing is important and yet underrated skill today. Medium [online], Available at The 7 Components of a Constructive Conversation | by Vishal Kataria | Ascent Publication | Medium. [Accessed 25th October 2023]
Dhar J (2021) How to have constructive conversations | TED. YouTube [online], available at (739) Julia Dhar: How to have constructive conversations | TED - YouTube. [Accessed on 29th October 2023]
Cherry K. (2023). Emotional intelligence, how we perceive, Evaluate, Express and Control Emotions. Medium [online], available at Emotional Intelligence (verywellmind.com)[Accessed on 29th October 2023]
Bible Gateway (n.d.). Hosea 4:6 [online] available at Hosea 4:6 NIV - my people are destroyed from lack of - Bible Gateway [Accessed on 29th October 2023].
